Before you start to read I'm not here to tell you which is best because there isn't a 'best' and as long as baby is getting fed then what does it really matter! I'm here to share my experience with feeding my little one. :)
During pregnancy I came to the decision I was going to have a crack at BF (breastfeeding)-I didn't think it would be difficult, I was quite naive in thinking BF would be a doddle. How hard could it be?! I was soon to find out...
As soon as Jack was born (after weighing and the usual rigmarole) Jack was put onto my breast and he did it just like that, no problems! I thought wow, this is simple. After that feed our newborn son didn't wake up till much later on (I had him at 3.53pm and by the time he woke up, James had to go home-he couldn't stay on the ward with me so I was by myself) I had a go at getting him to latch on and failed-I pressed the buzzer and no one came to my aid so I ended up stood at the door (this was before I was moved onto the post-natal ward) with Jack in my arms looking for assistance-there was not a soul about. A lady passed me by, she wasn't a midwife (she was staff but she could have been the cleaner for all I know) and I said that I needed help with BF so off she went to find someone. Bless her, she couldn't find anyone so she said I will help you. As we were getting comfy 3 midwives came into the room and said that they were moving me onto post-natal ward-I hadn't had chance to try and feed Jack so off to PN we went.
We got to the ward at midnight (bearing in mind Jack only had had one feed) and it felt as if they just dumped me onto the ward, it felt rushed and unprofessional. She even called me son at one point (her excuse was that her son had just come back from Uni so she kept saying it-how unprofessional) I said to her "my son needs feeding please could you show me how?" She turned to me and said "put him in the rugby ball postion". I looked at her with a blank face, after all I'm a new mum, what the bloody hell does that mean? I didn't say anything (I had a rush of emotions going on at this point so words didn't come) so she put him in this position and then left me. I couldn't get Jack on my breast and I didn't have a clue what to do but by this point he was fast asleep so I gave up and placed him in his crib.
I was very lucky that Jack slept through that first night but by morning Jack hadn't fed since that first feed. I buzzed for help and the assistant (not a midwife) that came told me to express. Again how was I supposed to know how to do that? She shown me how to but I just couldn't do it-I was confused and lost and after a long time I managed to express about 5ml which she cup fed him. During my 1 day stay at the hospital I had a variety of women messing with my nipples and putting Jack on my breast-he latched on fine but I couldn't get him to latch on myself. I never knew it would be so difficult to put my nipple in my baby's mouth!
It came to a point where they wouldn't discharge us until I could establish BF. By this point I had had enough and James and I came to the conclusion that I would be better at home, in my own environment, not in a red hot small stuffy ward with just a chair and low bed for comfort. I cried my eyes out and ended up discharging us at 4am on the Saturday morning. The midwife came to our home at 9am on the Saturday morning and she shown me just the once how to get Jack to latch on and the different positions and ta daaaaa I did it!! I had finally cracked BF! I knew being at home helped so much!
As the days went by I started to struggle with the demand of BF, I had cracked one challenge and now I was facing another. It came to a point that I was crying everyday, even crying whilst feeding Jack and I knew that something had to give. Mentally I was not coping and I felt like walking out and not coming back, I felt like feeding my child was a chore. It was mentally exhausting but I had so many conflicting emotions and after a tough 10 days I stopped. It came down to a happy, healthy mummy is better than BF.
Jack is now happily on Aptamil formula and life is so much better. I didn't enjoy Jack those first 10 days and I look back with sadness but I know I gave it a go and it didn't work out. I felt pressured from so many angles and my advice to anyone is do what is best for you as a family! Jack and I enjoy each other so much more now we are on formula and James can help out more. I don't have to worry when we go out (I was always conscious of the time and had to plan where we were to BF Jack) and I can go for a bath! I felt selfish saying this but you are still a human being and you still have to focus on your needs aswell as the babes!
So here's my ending: you do what is best for you as a family. Breast was not best for us as a family, being happy is what is best! And my child is fed, what is there to argue about?
I hope you enjoyed reading my experience, feel free to ask any questions js.armstrong88@gmail.com or follow me Jaxxy88
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